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Personal Warfare

by Juan S. Garces

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1.
My Bid 04:28
I’m sorry to be late but I got lost, on the way here I stumbled. What’s left behind was painful to forgo. I walk on my own. Can’t wait forever. Time is a treasure for those who are mortal. These eyes won’t look away. I don’t believe in fate, lucky dice toss or divine scheme to follow. Trust that my mind is careful to ward off deceit and control. Can’t wait forever. My soul, relentless, it chose its own hurdle. These eyes won’t look away. Hunger greater than fear, previous falls have made it clear. Hidden danger in unknown defeat, devious solace. Reason better than might, conscience calls the worthy fight. Daring wager or shameful retreat, quiet does not mean peace. Holding aim still so my eyes blear, but will not let them shut, I refuse to blink back tears. To relinquish is to be weak, walk on thorns and ignore how deep they cut. Won’t lose sight of what I seek. My bid is all that I am, there’s no other choice, no higher price to pay. My bid is all that I am, take me now but give me hope of a new day. Though I didn’t come to stay, I am looking for some kind of permanence. I will walk great lengths without going astray. Will my ripple give rise to your turbulence? If you just wait for long enough, heaven will turn to hell and all that you know shall fade. All you love the flame will engulf, wreaking havoc, impossible to quell. Act before it is too late. My bid is all that I am, there’s no other choice, no higher price to pay. My bid is all that I am, take me now but give me hope of a new day.
2.
Uprooted and disowned, I’m running away from something. Will sorrow be consoled? Is there hope of overcoming? Sailed to follow the sun beyond the horizon, no port of call, just the need for some distance. Out of sight and alone I gave up resistance, allowed the fall to gather strength before rising. I will not break down, I will not back down, I will not break down, I will not back down! Clear the deck, trim the sails, stem the tide, brave the storm, ride the waves, don’t subside. Time to cut the anchor free, I know I’m caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. Under the surface there’s a secret you can’t see, in the dark concealed. Under the surface there’s a treasure you can’t reach, guarded by a beast. Burns blister my skin, salty cracks run through my lips. Can’t tame this craving, and I’m still waiting for fair wind. No place I can call home, still running away from something. Life once again postponed, no clear sign of what’s forthcoming. I knew well of the risk entailed in this venture, not all is lost, pain turns into resilience. Persevering will be my act of defiance, at any cost, I don’t know how to surrender. Learn the ropes, draw the map, stars will guide, hoist the black, sink or swim, don’t collide. Cast all jetsam overboard, I know I’m caught between the devil and the ocean floor. Under the surface there’s a secret you can’t see, in the dark concealed. Under the surface there’s a treasure you can’t reach, guarded by a beast. Heat dazing my mind, life is heaving on a line. Can’t soothe this yearning, and I’m still waiting for fair wind.
3.
In My Mind 05:39
Unsure if dreaming or wide awake, you stop time and I stay. Entreat this moment to last forever. I try to reach you but then you break, again, and fly away. So, I crave your eyes of sky and ember. Call me wilfully blind, it is all in my mind. I know that our kiss was vain, stolen in a slip, no shame. All in my mind, I’m held captive by a fantasy. Ignore all the signs while I script my own tragedy. Know that my heart is pure, thought I found in yours the cure. Call me wilfully blind. Clouds of thought, silver linings… All in my mind, I’m held captive by a fantasy. Ignore all the signs while I script my own tragedy. All in my mind: climax, pleasure, downfall, agony. In this plot I will be one more casualty. My eyes remember the scene was real, braced for resistance but then our lips were sealed. Relish the danger you make me feel. Can’t help but doubt if it is just… All in my mind, I’m held captive by a fantasy. Ignore all the signs while I script my own tragedy. All in my mind: climax, pleasure, downfall, agony. In this plot I will be one more casualty.
4.
Human 03:58
HUMAN Silence, maybe fear. Silence, maybe dearth of words toward deaf ears. The look in your eyes bears the meaning. Whisper, so sincere. Whisper, so your breath fires shivers through my skin. Communion of signs we both understand. Fiction and truth are keeping score: fables of love, history books of great wars. You and I know why this is well worth striving for. Would you talk to me? The pain you hide away from the light is just like mine, I’ll let you see. Could you talk to me? This code we share is why we survive. Safe to confide, it makes us human. Screaming, maybe fear. Screaming, maybe dearth of words toward deaf ears. The look in your eyes bears the meaning. If we are sincere, if we douse the fire and look beyond our skin, the answer will shine, and we’ll understand. Figments and facts have been set forth: sculptures of gods, vast fields of nameless gravestones. You and I know why this is well worth striving for. Would you talk to me? The pain you hide away from the light is just like mine, I’ll let you see. Could you talk to me? This code we share is why we survive, far from demise. It makes us human.
5.
We should all look up to you, no one else can do it better. Of your kind there are so few, yet, you lay bound with fetters. Graced with confidence and skill, you’re infallible and righteous. Idolized by blind and shill. Not me, for I will raise a mirror to your face, shatter your delusion, break the spell of deceit for all to see. You own truth, all others lie. You’re the victim, we conspire. On your lead we must rely, walking straight to the pyre. We are here to serve your needs, swallow your procrastination, buy your promises and deeds. Not me, for I will raise a mirror to your face, shatter your delusion, break the spell of deceit for all to see. You will fall from grace, flounder in elusion, bear the chains of conceit eternally. You think you’re so brave digging your own grave. Keep away, you don’t deserve anything. Blame the mirror and keep away, you’ll never change.
6.
Weak and frail, struggling to catch my breath. Wither away, I’ve been left for dead. Stunned and bruised, my eyes gaze all around. I may be cursed, I’ve been on this ground. Noises, flashes, senses lost in commotion, crippling darkness, cannot connect emotion. Gasp, for fear is averse to air. Move, death strikes when the prey is still. Heed the present so be aware I share bones with my nemesis. Brace, they come again, shock and disarray, just another day. Grace one more reprieve, war may not forgive, triumph is to live. In motion with eyes wide open, with caution each step is chosen. Through this inner fight can’t take a side, there’s no divide. Through this inner fight no doubt each wound will leave a scar. Then dust settles down and these walls cease to crumble. Enclosed by piles of rubble, there’s no clear way out. Much higher the price I would pay for inaction, dispose of hesitation, my choice is to climb up. Each stepping stone lies here for failure, heartbreak, chaos, fear and disgrace. Each step for love will take me higher, higher, higher, out of this place. Brace, they come again, shock and disarray, just another day. Grace one more reprieve, war may not forgive, triumph is to live. This is just one more test, deep drums resound in my chest, there is no time to rest. Far ahead gather all hopes and dreams. I am prepared, my purpose is clear. Crack of dawn, now I lead the attack. Yesterday’s gone, there’s no looking back. Brace, they’re here again, shock and disarray, just another day. Grace one more reprieve, war may not forgive, triumph is to live. In motion with eyes wide open, with caution each step is chosen. Through this inner fight no flags are torn, no one to mourn. Through this inner fight each battle won awards new hope, new hope, new hope, new hope.
7.
Blue Light 06:22
Too addicted to dopamine, too indifferent or too naive. Hack our minds and control our will. Too distracted to notice. Wake up, nothing real in this connection. Blue light dancing to white noise. With masks they compete for your attention. Can’t see through. How much time can we steal from you? Will seduction induce the push? How deep can we implant new truth? Can we shape your perception? Wake up, nothing real in this connection. Blue light dancing to white noise. With masks they compete for your attention. Is this you? Filter our lives for perfection, forged beauty harms human nature. Searching for bond and affection, we have all turned into strangers. Wake up, nothing real in this connection. Blue light dancing to white noise. With masks they compete for your attention. Can’t see through. Have we lost all control? Have we lost all perspective? Blue light glides to entice us, white noise to hypnotize and keep us hooked, as we have become the profit for tyrants in disguise.

credits

released June 10, 2022

MEYRICK DE LA FUENTE – Vocals
JUAN S. GARCÉS – Guitars, Keyboards/Programming
CONNER GREEN – Bass
RAYMOND HEARNE – Drums

Music by Juan S. Garcés,
except “Blue Light” by Juan S. Garcés and Edd Heritage.
Lyrics by Juan S. Garcés.

Produced by Juan S. Garcés.

Mixed & Mastered by Forrester Savell in Gold Coast, AU.

Vocals recorded by Meyrick de la Fuente at Floodgate Audio in Horley, UK.
Guitars recorded by Juan S. Garcés at home in Quito, EC.
Keyboards recorded/programmed by Juan S. Garcés at home in Quito, EC.
Bass recorded by Conner Green at home in Indianapolis, US.
Drums recorded by David Simpson at The Crypt Studio in London, UK.

Artwork, Logo and Design by Lenore Ani – aniartworks.org

©℗ 2022 Juan S. Garcés. All Rights Reserved.

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Juan S. Garces Quito, Ecuador

JUAN S. GARCÉS is a musician, guitarist, and producer from Quito – Ecuador. Raised in a home where music was an essential part of the day to day, he started learning guitar at a young age. He nourished his musical knowledge and skills with both academic and autodidactic studies throughout the years. He has performed with some of the most renowned bands in the Ecuadorian rock/metal scene. ... more

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